


Was it all worth it? (all the love you gave when I returned it)

by ourowninfinity



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, just boys being dumb basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4342106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourowninfinity/pseuds/ourowninfinity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael hates his own body, hates the way it leans into Luke's touch as his heart feels like it's gonna bust out of his chest with how fast it's beating, hates the red that stains his cheeks like wine when Luke's body touches his; he's not meant to be in <i>love</i>, that's not punk rock at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Was it all worth it? (all the love you gave when I returned it)

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from Mind Bottled by State Champs :-)

His fingers press harshly into the purple bags that frame his eyes, desperately trying to wipe away the ghosts of last nights uneasy sleep. He's not sure how he ended up like this, how he'd gone from smiles and pink hair to lying in bed and staring at the ceiling until 4 am, thinking up song lyrics that would sound more at home in a My Chemical Romance song. _That's a lie_ , his mind speaks up, _you know the reason, you just don't want to think abo_ -

Just as he geared up to have the same argument he'd had with himself a thousand times over, the curtain to his bunk was ripped open and there he stood. The reason. With a sleepy grin on his face and Calum's beanie pulled over his messy hair. He felt a dip in the bunk next to him and an elbow in his ribs as _the reason_ tried to fit his big dumb body into the tiny space.

"Mikeeeeeeeey"

Luke whined at him from where his face was tucked into Michael's neck, arms tightening around him like some sort of cobra as he slipped one of his thighs in between the older boy's. Michael hates his own body, hates the way it leans into Luke's touch as his heart feels like it's gonna bust out of his chest with how fast it's beating, hates the red that stains his cheeks like wine when Luke's body touches his; he's not meant to be in _love_ , that's not punk rock at all.

He's pulled from his thoughts by Luke huffing out his name again, followed by

"What's going on with you?"

Michael pauses before giving a hesitant reply of

"What do you mean?"

He shifts uncomfortably as he says it, the feeling of Luke's eyes boring holes into his face doing nothing to make him feel any better.

"You know what I mean"

and with that Luke turns to lie on his back, his shoulder the only part of his body still touching Michael's, and Michael hates how his heart drops at the new lack of contact, hates how he aches for Luke's solid weight on his chest again, anchoring him to the bunk. The lack of reply makes Luke change tactics, his smile turns to a smirk as he knocks his knee against Michael's,

"C'mon Mike, we're a punk band not an emo one. We can't have you moping around like a sad zoo lion all the time"

The smirk on Luke's face looks victorious when his comment drags a snort of laughter out of the older boy, but the moment gives way to another silence, tension bleeding out across the space in the bunk that makes both of them fidget. For the first time since his bunk had been invaded, Michael turned to look at Luke properly and the worried look he's met with just adds to the guilt he feels, he turns his gaze back to the ceiling when Luke opens his mouth to speak again.

"Please tell me what's wrong, I hate seeing you this upset"

Michael's breath hitches and his voice shakes, and he hates how weak his voice sounds when he finally speaks, hates how he can't find sarcasm to hide behind, hates how he can never find it in himself to lie to Luke, even when he knows he really should,

"I, uh, I'm kinda ...in love with someone"

He draws in another shaky breath, knowing that Luke won't say anything, will stay silent until Michael tells him everything and Michael hates that, hates how Luke knows him so well, knows Michael would use his words as an excuse to change the subject somehow. He screws his eyes shut and sighs defeatedly, he knew that eventually Luke would find out and that there would be no point in trying to avoid telling him who it was,

"It's you Luke, I'm in love with you"

He knows it should feel like a relief, like a giant weight lifted from his chest, but honestly it just makes him feel worse and he shrinks back into the mattress, trying to create as much space between his body and Luke's as he can. The bed shakes again as Luke quietly climbs out and Michael's left alone with an empty bunk and a big metaphorical hole in his chest, he hates how much it hurts him that Luke left, he hates how he had let himself hope that Luke would feel the same when he quite clearly doesn't.  
He rolls onto his stomach, squishing his face into the pillow to try and stop the fat, hot tears from rolling down his face; he doesn't know how long he lies there, blinking a thousand times a minute in a failed attempt to stop his crying.

  
"-ael. Michael. Michael!"

He's so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn't hear his name being called until he feels someone tapping on is shoulder. He lifts his head up and presses it back down into the pillow the moment he realises who it is that's trying to talk to him.

"Go away Luke"

"Mikey please listen to me!"

"I know what you're going to say already, you're going to tell me you don't feel the same way. And I can't blame you because why would you? You could be with anyone you wanted to be and I'm just that dumb guy with a stupid fringe that was mean to you in year -"

"Michael!" Luke cut him off loudly, hauling himself back into the bunk before trying to roll Michael over onto his front. They grapple with each other for a few minutes and it ends with Michael on his back, Luke straddling him with his thighs bracketing the older boys hips. In a last ditch attempt to avoid having to talk to Luke, Michael covers his eyes with his face, only to have them pinned above his head almost immediately after.

"Michael"

This time it's said more seriously, his name seems heavier this time as it rolls off of Luke 's tongue, and he shakes the boy beneath him as if to emphasize the word even more. Michael's never seen Luke look this focused before, this intent on talking to him.

"You're in love with me"

There it is. He feels the blush crawl up his neck and across his cheeks as he hears Luke say the words, and his body goes slack as he gives up and nods slightly. There's another silence, but the roaring in Michael's ears doesn't subside, it grows louder as his heart thumps erratically and oh god he's going to have a heart attack if Luke doesn't do something right now. He hates how his body gives him away, hates how he can't appear indifferent or chill about it, how his chest is heaving as he tries to suck in air and his face feels like it's on fire.

And then he's being kissed. By Luke. Luke his best friend. Luke who just ran away. Luke who he's in love with. There's no time for him to think, let alone kiss back, before Luke is pulling back and staring at him again.

"What? What was that?" Michael manages to choke out, completely overwhelmed and confused.

"I'm in love with you too" Luke replies, his eyes wide and a massive smile etched into his face, "Have been for ages"

The kiss must have knocked all of the priorities out of Michael's brain because instead of kissing Luke again, he can't help but ask, his voice wavering,

"Why'd you leave?"

He hates how small he sounds in that moment, how insecure he sounds now he's asked that question.

"I'd spent so long dreaming that you'd say that to me that I couldn't believe it was real life" Luke replied, loking awkward and cute and god Michael wanted to kiss him so badly,"I went to find Ashton and got him to punch me, y'know, to prove I wasn't just asleep and dreaming"

Michael stares up at Luke speechless. He hates how long they both spent pretending not to love each other, he hates how truly awful he felt for months on end, he hates how many poorly written songs he has hidden in his notebook that are all about his stupid best friend he's been pining for for years. But then he pulls Luke down to him by his neck, and smiles into the kiss he gives him, most of all he just really loves Luke.


End file.
